Allow me to introduce you to CC Treadway, who describes herself as energy healer, multidimensional artist and obsessive mystic. I met her near Sedona in a weekend women’s seminar she was doing for a group of us, along with Cynthia Kapp. These dynamic ladies are, in my opinion, on the leading edge of the ascension movement, models of walking that walk and devoted to encouraging others to do so as well.
When I heard that CC was invited to write for Huffington Post, I asked her if we could share her article here with our audience. I think it’s outstanding that this mainstream source is running this sort of content, and also find this to be very encouraging. Thank you for your permission to share this here, CC.
The 5 Stages of Healing the Abandonment Wound
Abandonment. For those of us who have experienced this most intense of all wounds, we know how serious it is. I have found in my practice that when it comes down to it, everyone is dealing with abandonment, whether it comes in the form of the fear of rejection, the habitual pattern of love and avoidance , or good old fashioned codependency and love addiction. From my observations, even those that claim to not experience it, really do; it’s just more shrouded. What is so heartbreaking to see is the judgment and shame that people place on it, not knowing that their reactions are normal. It hurts to be left, but we usually internalize the rejection, making ourselves wrong and unlovable. The good news is that this universal wound is actually something manageable and healable.
Here are 5 steps that make dealing with and healing the abandonment wound a tool for growth and creative freedom.
1. FEEL IT AND LOVE IT
Yes you are strong enough. It may feel like certain death to actually sit and be present with the feelings that arise. Your whole system will fight against doing this as it would much prefer to reach for a vice to snuff out the pain. Pure grief is actually a magical healing potion that allows you to move forward. If you stop resisting your pain, again and again, you will build your emotional strength, you will be unafraid of abandonment.
In the slowing down and feeling you may be brought to the source of the original pain of this wound, giving you the opportunity to witness and love parts of yourself that you have been hiding. This develops self love. Self love is not just saying “I love myself,” although it’s a start, it’s about finding the shadow places and then taking the time to love them. It’s what is hidden in our psyches that often attracts patterns, and so the willingness to go diving in the dark to find these lost parts is a courageous act of self love.
2. STOP BLAMING THE OTHER PERSON, EVEN IF THEY’RE WRONG
I’m sure you have every reason to feel abandoned. But if you stay in the blame phase, you will never heal. I’ve seen people stay in the blame phase for decades. What a waste. It is important to own your anger and feel it, but it is also important to move through that and feel your own worthiness. If you give all of your power away to the other person, you will be dependent on their behavior for your happiness and for your healing. Take responsibility for your part of what created the dynamic so it stops happening.
Here are some classic behavioral patterns you can ask about in yourself:
Were you martyring yourself out?
Were you continuously ignoring your deeper emotional needs?
Were you unconsciously emotionally controlling the other to try and get those needs met?
Were you turning a blind eye to certain behaviors?
Do you play the innocent or the victim?
Are you playing out an old childhood wound, hoping for a different resolution?
Dynamics always take at least two. If you are willing to bravely and humbly admit that even in a more passive role you contributed to the outcome, you are way ahead of the game to heal, empower and shift the pattern so you don’t repeat it. If it’s all about them, you have no power to do this.
3. CLAIM YOUR NEED FOR LOVE AND SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS
Your settling for people who keep you at bay and manipulate you with illusion is a major factor for why you keep getting abandoned. Friendship and relationship are about the willingness to be close, to bond and to respect boundaries. But there is difference between having healthy boundaries and simply being kept away from someone’s heart and life because they are afraid of letting someone close to them. That will make you crazy and controlling. If you are running a story inside that says you aren’t truly deserving of that closeness, you will attract people who cannot meet you in the depths of closeness and love you thrive in.
On the flip side, these continual patterns of picking unavailable people only reflect your own unavailability.
You need to be brave enough to deeply feel your soul desire for real love and intimacy, and then listen to love’s call and change the patterns that are keeping it from you. This probably means doing a few things you don’t want to do, like stepping out of your unconscious patterns of isolation, control and comfort zoning. It can feel very scary and risky to open the places that truly desire love because your defenses are down and you are showing yourself to the world. But this is vulnerability, and this brings in that sweet love.
4. PRACTICE TAKING IN THE LOVE YOU DO HAVE
Learning to fully receive without the fear of rejection or abandonment will be your greatest reprogramming tool. Knowing how to take in love and intimacy is most likely a skill you never learned.
I bet you have people in your life who do show up who you don’t fully let in. Try feeling their loving hearts, invite them over more, receive their love without the stops. Find the places you unconsciously push them away and let love into those places. This alone can transform you.
Reach out for love and support and then take it in and let it fill you. Let the people you trust know you are going through a hard time and you need their love.
Remember, the larger the abandonment wound, the greater your capacity to give and receive love. The point of healing it is not just to be able to handle being on your own, but to be able to finally experience the magnificent love that is available in life for you.
If you heal your abandonment wound you will have a lot more energy. In the depths of the void you no longer fear, there is a little secret. This place of darkness is where the light comes in. This is where the creative spark of life is lit and shown to you. If you allow, you will access an infinite well of creativity and purpose in that void. In the void is your willingness to let go of all of your preconceived notions about what love is so you can be a channel for your unique creative genius.
Do you remember the famous story of JK Rowling writing Harry Potter when she had absolutely nothing? She had nothing more to lose, so she let the creative force come in, giving her everything she desired and more….and the world changed forever because of her gift. We are now woven together with her stories, we are all a part of them. In this way none of us are really alone if we allow our true nature to come forth, we are surrounded by and inexplicably connected to each other.
Healing an abandonment wound is as much about feeling the depths of your sorrow as it is about being humbled by how your behavior contributes to the continual repetition of it.
To get out of the cycle you must really grow, you must leave old identities behind and become the person you imagine yourself to be, and accept the challenge of healing from abandonment as the biggest empowerment process of your life.
You have so much to stand on in the end. You have yourself – the best gift of all, you have the love and intimacy that is circulating through life at all times wanting to connect with you, you have many people who truly love you, you have an unending supply of creative inspiration and purpose that connects you with a deep sense of belonging to your life, and to the lives of others.
Let your life matter, let it light you up, let go of your idea of how it’s supposed to look and marvel at the wonder you are creating.
Link to original post at Huffington Post here.
More about CC:
CC Treadway is an energy healer, channel, artist, musician and teacher. She work to develop sensitive, creative and spiritually open people so they can transform society through their artistic and spiritual gifts. Whatever problem you feel is holding you back, whether physical, creative, emotional, spiritual or otherwise her experience and expertise will lead you on the healing and creative journey of your life. CC also trains healers to deepen their abilities and psychic skills. To inquire about working with CC: find her website at www.treadwayesoteric.com.