Christmas cheer in Australian summertime, credit: Peter Baskerville

We have all experienced that heart stopping moment when we did not hear someone enter the room until they spoke.

What if Santa arrives and you hadn’t bought any presents?

Even worse, what if you really didn’t want to buy any because you wanted to get something BIG for yourself and which way do you jump?

When you were a little kid they discovered that you had an allergy to RED DYE, Au revoir Santa Chrissy in his suit, that explains no photos of you & the jolly gent, decorations, table cloths. Candles. I have to admit I was spared those cheap and nasty School dress up Elf and micro Santa suits.

Have you ever picked up your wallet, purse, etc and wondered why is is so incredibly light, almost as if it was filled with Halogen, not money?

The Christmas Goblin been there and after due consideration, lightened your load, weight-bearing muscles no longer at risk! Trust me, would a Goblin lie to you?

You wonder how many will stay over and if there is enough towels, rooms, sheets, should you get the aircon serviced, will the hot water hold out for enough showers, NO BATHS!

Food, leftovers and uninvited guests. Dinner on the back porch, surrounded by friends and family and all overlooking the 37 acres of manicured lawns.

Have you ever watched a video of those little crabs that meet in large groups and wave a come hither claw? Look at your invited guests sitting around the festive table waving a go away paw. The uninvited have arrived. Legions of flies mosquitoes, an occasional Bee or Wasp.

Leftovers huh? After the ravenous herds have gone to watch your TV or drive home, with slopped lipstick and bug repellent all over your face, you start the cleanup, being careful to avoid the fingers dipping in for one more nibble of the feast. They wander off as you repack food, sort, and wash the mountain of pots, pans, plates, cooking stuff, knives and forks, etc.

Timing is always impeccable and as usual, you wander semi-comatose from exhaustion, with the basket of soiled linen to deposit in the laundry (for tomorrow). Some one will ALWAYS wander in, frightening the heck out of you, speaking these timeless words, ‘Oh you’re finished, I came to help (snigger)’.

How long does it take you to blanch at the thought of leftovers, AGAIN!


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