It seems that life is presenting me with a reset situation. I say this because my normal daily activities have been forcibly curtailed by circumstance. The ‘forcible’ part is what is getting my attention.
The last few weeks have been a round of frustrations for me concerning the Gaia Scene community forum. No other website is giving me fits, but this one is. It isn’t so for other members, but it is for me. The wait between clicks is so long and slow, it’s like a brick wall.
My habit of being an all day long community servant in forum management and engagement isn’t possible under these conditions. In the past, this same sort of happening would have driven me to a lot more than frustration. I would have been in a week-long fit about it, since I’ve been signed out of the forum now for a week.
Instead, I’m in surrender mode. Very interesting to me how this feels. I’m really not that accustomed to being OK with surrendering to circumstance. In fact, I used to hate it and would fall into a cycle of raging and scheming over it. Can anyone relate to this?
I’m not going to say there’s been no frustration about it. Of course, there has. But the idea that all circumstances may have a purpose came to mind as well. Hmmm… And the thought of surrendering to this process did as well, surprisingly rather quickly too.
Something is changing here, and it seems to be me. As a whole, I think I’m rather predictable. In this case, I wouldn’t have predicted me acting this way at all, given my usual highly charged dramatic nature.
It’s been over 5 years now that I’ve spent most of my day in the forum every day. This kind of obsessive devotion is perhaps a bit over the top. I don’t know if it is or not, really. I’ve been doing so out of love, and as an act of joy. The current situation isn’t giving me joy, as it’s been frustrating to deal with the uber-slowness of it.
I’m in the process of searching out the cause of it now. Even this isn’t presenting as something that is so urgent as to cause a giant fuss about. This is so different to how I ‘normally’ would react, I’m almost tempted to check my own pulse to be sure I’m still here as usual.
The forum itself is just fine. I’m not the only forum lover who devotedly maintains it. I miss its constant presence in my day, and yet, I’m exploring what else I may be able to do with the time and energy usually devoted to this.
I dont know where this may take me, this reset of what is, in my life, change of rather epic proportions. I guess I will see as I go along.
And, it may be an opportunity to get to know this calmer, more balanced me.
Written for Gaia Scenics’ View