polarityWe offer a share here from our forum conversations on the polarity of ego.

We commonly post our public blog posts in our private forum, Gaia Scene, which gives us the opportunity to make comments and to unravel our diverse thoughts together about different topics.

Today’s post is such an unraveling, related to the post here on blog. The link is below.  So, what follows here are the comments that came out after we took our first conversation public.. We hope you enjoy reading them as much as we have sharing them. – Andrea

We began our discussion below, here:  From Gaia Scene Forum: Perception of Darkness (and Ego)


Love that this went up on the blog.  I feel it’s so important to have voices out there talking about accepting the darkness without – because how else can we accept ourselves, within, in all of our totality? Integrating the shadow is essential to the ascension process.


Appreciate you feeling like this should be on the blog, Susan.

Many will be unable to grasp or find what they seek in this subject, because mainly they are not ready for it per their own wants and desires, and that’s just as it should be.

Duality or darkness and light have been the very means with which our ego minds have existed for eons, for without duality one can find no-thing to do battle with and the ego mind doesn’t like that at all. No real duality = no real battle or fighting required. No one is right and no one is wrong, no one is good and no one is bad, all equate to unity consciousness becoming available.

I like this statement from a book I read one time called A Course in Miracles, a great book if anyone is interested, but it was phrased like this, “Yet darkness cannot be seen, for it is nothing more than a condition in which seeing becomes impossible”. I like they way they put that.

Some may question the validity of such teachings simply because they very well see and feel the plethora of pain associated with poor behavior, and although it does very much exist, the source is as much a mystery to many as anything else. For me, in my knowing, darkness is just the lack of light, and I will leave it at that because this is a discussion on everyone’s own individual perceptions.

In my knowing, everything is powered by God, or whatever name you may choose to call source or by divine beings that are powered by said source.

Where this poor behavior is derived from, in my knowing, is from unconsciousness or ego mind, living only from the surface of life, without connection or awareness of connection to source. The ego mind does not seem to have the capacity for love but does seem to revel in misery and fear.

There are several trains of discussion on why the ego mind is with us, but I don’t really want to go into that, just how it pertains to perceived darkness. Also, not so much how it pertains to other dimensions or universes, perceived or real, but more so how it pertains to what we have in front of ourselves in our collective now moment, as a part of the human condition and our awakening form the dream or illusion.

I suppose it could be stated that instead of going from darkness to light we are going from unconsciousness to consciousness, because we have always been and will always be divine beings of light, and the perceived differences can be found only in the differing consciousness levels, and not whether one is good or bad, right or wrong as many believe. This perceived duality is the reason behind battles of all kinds, from brother to sister, or country to country, or religion to religion, solar system to solar system, all believing they are separate and in need of fixing the other.

This perceived consciousness level when very low, is what we deem darkness and when high, we deem it light.

It may be fair to also note that any and all perceived darkness without will become available within, as there is no escaping that since we are all one. What you perceive in others you will perceive in yourself, and that’s where the term “living in hell” probably comes from.

Many unconscious people feel that they can treat and think what they wish of others without thinking the same of themselves, but there is no escaping this. Like it or not, how you look at other people is how you look at yourself, which can be very embarrassing for people when they realize this and that there are others aware of this listening to them.

This is my way of knowing anyway, and others will vary but that’s what discussion is for, in my case anyway, I just like to see how Source sees it through all my relations and not just me.


Tomos, there’s so much in your posting, but I just wanted to say this for right now. A friend of mine has healed herself from MS (in combination with eastern and western medicine). As you know, this is not a little thing. It’s a wonderful miracle and she has developed a process for others to follow if they desire to heal from MS and chronic illnesses.

What we have talked about is the concept of taking responsibility for our actions and our choices related to our healing journey.   Not everyone wants to hear this, and not everyone is ready to do this.

I feel that regarding the darkness within, this is kind of where we are at. The first thing is becoming aware of the concept at all.  But after awareness, comes the choice of what we do.


In my estimation, the fact that we may even have this conversation is a big deal. Whoot! Can’t be done without a significant amount of awareness.


That’s some truth!

Susan said:
“I feel that regarding the darkness within, this is kind of where we are at. The first thing is becoming aware of the concept at all.  But after awareness comes the choice of what we do.”

Yes, we must now do this, as in many times everyday, we must do this. It matters not what people should choose on their unique journey as much as it does that they become aware that they are, indeed, making choices multiple times everyday that effect greatly their experience.

A large part of the chaos we may see around our world is from these decisions, and are based on an assumption that there are dark ones and light ones, and we must, each side, do battle. This perceived chaos has a reason, but it’s not meant to go on forever as it has. It has come time to put down the club we have used to beat ourselves and our perceived enemies up with, and move into alignment with unity consciousness and away from separation consciousness or unconsciousness.

All of our personal answers\choices can be found within, and in fact, it’s the only place they can be found. When we look within we will find two choices, ego\fear mind and love\spirit mind, those are our two choices at any given now moment. One is truth and the other lies, or one is reality and the other is faux, and they don’t mix at all. The fact that they don’t mix at all can be found in the realm of insanity, and the split mind doing battle with itself.

It’s important for many to always remember the love\spirit mind has no desire to do battle with the ego mind, nor anyone else. Ego has one thing in mind, misery and battle at all costs. It seems to me anyway, that ego will simply be left behind, or no longer utilized in our lives and not beaten down or crucified as many seem to think they can do.

Whichever connection you choose to feed will grow, but the ego mind can never exceed its point of misery or eventual death, because it seems it was not made to do so. It seems we made it to be eventually discarded, per it’s usefulness.

Everyone has negative thoughts on a pretty regular basis, and they are usually tied to the past or future where the ego mind loves to play. Ego mind does not like the now moment, because it’s much more difficult to deceive when we are only in our current moment. The ego has done a great job, and in fact, many cannot seem to find their way out, even so-called spiritual people, let alone everyday people, whom have no clue as to whats transpiring around them.

Hence, what I feel is the reason for our help from the company of heaven to aid us in breaking free from the illusions and delusions of the ego mind. I feel we created our ego minds for one purpose, to experience faux separation from Source, and all the so-called problems that it would bring. We did so well we forgot how to get out. lol

The negative ego thoughts will come for everyone and they don’t stop, although they do diminish in number greatly from what I have experienced. What we do with them is that key choice moment, will you follow ego mind into the rabbit hole ,or will you remain aware of whats happening and allow the thought to pass you by. It’s just a thought, and if it’s in anyway negative, it’s source is now known to be ego oriented, because spirit will never send you a negative.

It’s important to note that many people have, indeed, become addicted to thoughts and negative thoughts at that.

Time now for many to no longer identify with ego mind and identify with spirit, because that is who we are that is truth, that is the only reality\truth there will ever be, divine beings of light having a human\ego experience. Everything else we see is make-believe, because if it’s not of Love, it’s make-believe, as our Creator is of nothing but Love ,so are we, because we are one with Creator and all life.

I always like to state, this is my knowing from what I have learned and experienced from within and without, and nothing more.


Tomos said:
“When I say I got a peek from ego, what I mean is I fed that gremlin, and it was only for a brief moment, then I spent several hours allowing that stuff to flow through. lol”

This sounds like what I mean when I talk about integrating the ego/shadow self.

With awareness rising and present, I watch its actions and movements, without allowing it to actually pretend to be ME. Yet, it is a portion of my psyche, so in a very real sense, it’s my responsibility and no one else’s.

There came a time in this process where I found the way to bring true unconditional love to even this shadow of mine. What happened then was miraculous and a miracle. What happened, after enough acceptance and love was applied, is that this monstrous aspect transformed into one of my most loving and benevolent allies. Yes, even my clever and benevolent counselor and intimate friend. Not the boss here, by any stretch of the imagination, but a beloved in my counsel of allies.

By unconditional love, I don’t mean I have to like or agree with such shenanigans and mayhem that my shadow knows only too well how to create. Unconditional love is a big ticket item, and asks that such separating and polarizing concepts as bad/good and me/not me are left aside in favor of simply accepting my ONEness.

There came a time in this integration process (for me) where I was asked by my Higher Self to understand that ALL that exists is Sacred. There is nothing that isn’t. Period. This includes what is in the light and in the shadow. This is even more crucial to integrate when talking about those inherent structures in my very human package.

There is no real separation between spirit and form. This is like a mental map we make to define what we’re trying to talk about using language, but it bears no true relation to actual truth and facts. There are no defined lines, except the ones we create in our formidable imaginations, in our consciousness, in order to manage perception.

I find it so interesting how much more easily we may manage the concepts about how the ‘dark ones’ are also representatives of Divinity in form, but when it comes to our own intimate portions of this shadow principle, we balk at the necessity of applying the love that is without condition.

This is the reason the word ego is such a hot button phrase for me. What I hear when it’s used in our community most often, and even to the point where it’s becomes redefined to something that reflects only the negative and is ONLY some form of evil. This is, from my deeply personal experience, simply not the truth. It’s a polarized view, which divorces the positive polarity of this Sacred human psyche structure from the holistic view of the human being.

I see this as, sadly, one of the biggest ways that our ability to come to proper self love and integration of being is being highjacked with outdated and distorted information. But, I also realize that much of this is to do with simply the languaging we use as well.

Perhaps we might play with this and see if there may be another word for the concept of ego. What word would we substitute for this word, if we agreed to clearly redefine what it means to each of us? I suspect that we might find many concepts for this one word, and that we don’t even mean the same thing when we use it.


Andrea said:
“I see this as, sadly, one of the biggest ways that our ability to come to proper self love and integration of being is being highjacked with outdated and distorted information. But, I also realize that much of this is to do with simply the languaging we use as well.”

Much wisdom in there Andrea, and thank you. I feel a little of both what you have stated here, the rest of your post fits my position, and like you I have experienced outdated teachings which seem to be, if they ever were even then, valid in our collective now. I am learning a lot and if I had to say where I am now, I know so little is my approach in life these days.

For me, I cannot see an ego within me, I cannot hold it, define it, nor can I separate it from me, and I suppose for me I use this terminology “ego” mainly as a way to try and no longer energize negative thought form from my past that occurs in my mind as in all minds, if that makes sense. For me, I have found the only way this life seems to work for me is to follow my own heart and discard anything that doesn’t resonate within my being. Your words resonate well for me.

Ego, to me, simply defines the human condition or life in a vessel, with it’s negative and positive polarity’s all needed. For me, I just no longer wish to feed the negative, which always takes me out of my heart space and into fantasy land, if you know what I mean. I can choose not to feed the negative, and also it feels to me that this is our collective direction we wish to go in. If it’s wrong to longer desire feeding the negative, then I suppose I’ll suffer the consequences, but it feels right in me and that’s all that matters to me.

Do you see an issue with unconditionally loving all of yourself, yet no longer desiring to feed the negative?  This seems to be where I dwell for today. I’m not speaking of hating here, just not wanting to follow with my energy any longer.

I suppose after feeling my own words above that, to me, I always thought in my past that I was not good enough and unworthy, separated from Source and broken. That this was all of me and I should just kill myself now, and spare the world of such an entity. I went through a rough night a couple months ago, and many (8 months worth) before that were nothing but insane negative shit was poring into my mind out of nowhere, and what I wrote above was the end result of each occurrence, just end your own life.

Something inside kept me alive, and spoke to me that this wasn’t who I am, at least not in my entirety and that it will be okay and to give myself another chance before deciding to end my life. This is where I separated my whole self from my ego self, if you will, but not in a way that was hostile.  No, more so in a way that seemed to show me I was so much more than I ever thought of before, and that this part was just a piece of me that needed healing, and a piece that didn’t need me to fan the flames, so to speak.

I hope that this can aid anyone in how I define the ego mind, it’s not my enemy, and I suppose, in a way it is my friend, but I wont be fanning anymore flames when they arise, because they can’t heal anything, only love can.


YES! It’s the love factor always that is the cure. Like Matt Kahn says, more love and not less!!!
And also nothing wrong with getting some space between the torturous shadow and the moment either. Sometimes it’s simply essential!

What I shared above was about the far side of this process, one that took me decades to come to. I spent 30+ years in hard-core drug addiction, remember? So, my shadow or negative ego side was a huge part of what kept me inside that cycle and quite helpless to break free of it.

On the far side I mention, was the miraculous thing that I will relate to Divine Grace. It was where I finally understood my need for totality, and finally understood that all of me needed the healing only love could provide. I simply couldn’t live as a divided being anymore if I wanted to heal and live.

Many times I, too, felt as if death would be a kindness, not only for me, but for everyone else too. But that’s not the truth, as many people have made very clear and plain to me since.

I hear you, brother, when you say you’re in this process too. It’s a mighty thing and a path that each of us walks in their own way and with their own understanding. These understandings unfold for each of us a bit differently too. The subtleties only appear when the awareness is capable of perceiving them. No way to force or rush any of it.


Tomos said:
“Something inside kept me alive and spoke to me that this wasn’t who I am at least not in my entirety and that it will be okay and to give myself another chance before deciding to end my life. This is where I separated my whole self from my ego self if you will but not in a way that was hostile no, more so in a way that seemed to show me I was so much more than I ever thought of before and that this part was just a piece of me that needed healing and a piece that didn’t need me to fan the flames so to speak.”

This sounds very similar to what i experienced in 1997, after i got chased by astral team dark for about 6 weeks and started getting psychotic.

At the point when i was almost about to kill my body, simply because it wasn t bearable anymore, the question came up, ‘who s actually afraid here?’, followed by my instant insight, ‘this entire thing is just an ego trip’, whch made me roll on the floor laughing for minutes.  After that, it felt as if someone/thing grabbed me by the hair and pulled me out of that realm, for good. All sensations, all fear, all perceptions, were suddenly comepletely gone, because I shifted frequency by changing my point of identification.

For me, it s a simple thing: ego is part of the package Me. Where it’s healthy, it serves as a backbone for this incarnation in form. where it’s broken/hurt, it serves as my shadow and calls for my loving attention.

The main thing is that, as Andrea mentioned, while we all sit in one car – ego, heart, HS, and what not aspects of my Self , the ego doesn’t belong in the driver’s seat.  The moments I become aware that ego drives my car, it s a call for my Self to consciously own the unaware spaces in me, to shine my light into my inner darkness.  When I do, the master takes over the driver’s seat, and ego is happily taking place in the backseat.  Until it’s going to be needed again, always when I Am not at Home inside.


Tomos, dear brother.

Can I make a suggestion? What I am hearing in your words is that the negative inner dialogue is still interacting with you. I would posit that this is not an ego issue, but a programming one. I invite you to think about your energy field and how it is constructed and to look for any holes (yes, you can do it) where negative programming is flowing in.

Declaring your divine sovereignty–asking that your higher self become the gate keeper of all energy that enters your field and that that energy be transmuted for your highest good in alignment with your sacred soul path and free will choice..

Here is the thing to observe. Is the voice speaking to you talking in ‘YOU’s or in ‘I’s…..if it is YOU- it is third person and outside yourself – this is not ego – the inner voice is an program to control you and keep you under the radar.

The closer we get to really embracing our sovereignty and magnificence as embodied masters, the more this programming will SCREAM to keep you away from your power.  I would invite you to take a listen and see who is really speaking, as this is of vital importance.

Big hugs and more later, after you let me know who is speaking.


So much feedback and I am very grateful. Tomorrow I will respond, as for now I have to run, but one thing I do know, Alex, is it’s almost always You are this or that, if that helps. Much love to you all and thank you for the clarity.



Yes, there is a difference between proper self-loathing and the programming, and Alex nails it with her beautiful perceptive comments.

Most of my problems stemmed from self-talk and not so much on the programming saying you, you, you. I caught on to that rather early on, and gave it the big f finger motion. For me, it was the negative self-talk that brought me to my knees.

We each have a different pathway here, this seems clear. But it’s beautiful what ‘comes to light’ when we find ways to talk honestly about what we’re experiencing!

I love you all and this opportunity to do this so much! I learn much about our diversity here. It’s so amazing and wonderful.


Yep, there is a huge difference.

I kicked certain programming out of my brain pretty early on, and my life experience brought me to the edge of having to decide if I did like and love myself at a very young age. I have been my best (and for a time when I was young) only friend, so negative programming and self-talk was never entertained – it was all about building my self love and defenses against those who would try direct hits at my esteem/energy. We have all traveled different paths and it is interesting to see how we address the many challenges on the path of self.

Tomos, what comes up for me regarding your situation is, I wonder if you were ever in a structured religious family where certain actions would trigger embedded codes that made you feel guilty, or less than, or a sinner. When we transition out of structured religion, we think we can just drop it and move on, but if you spent any time IN church, listening to the “affirmations and mantras” (ah, hmmmm…yeah, responsive prayers overlay programming in the psyche and can be triggered by behavior,) or if you received sacraments, there are a lot of hooks that remain.

I invite you to think on these things. If they are so, you could decide to do a vow/sacrament clearing – which I have done for myself and for my children. If this is not so, there are still options related to cutting chords to programming and outside energy that is not in your highest good. These releases are NOT done without conscious focus, and many of them hide. LOL just ask a few of us old souls who have been doing this type of energy work for a long time, how all of a sudden a chord or a vow will be uncovered for clearing – all in perfect timing.

Additionally, I would invite you to reflect on the idea that there are rather fewer males embodying the divine masculine on the spiritual path who are fully engaging in healing and love. Could it be that the closer YOU get to truly becoming an empowered human that the negative looping/programming is getting stronger simply to distract you from loving yourself?

I have always found the true ego to be about building up and protecting self, and never about breaking down and destroying self, even if it occasionally gets a puffed chest. It might be interesting to actually engage this loop and ask its purpose and end game. Sit with it a while and ask it how you can serve it… Matt Kahn does speak on this pretty well – mostly his videos on the shadow.

We are all onions, my friend – one layer at a time – and that things are still coming up for you, even though you have done work to separate all things from ego, suggests to me that ego is not the issue here.

I wouldn’t even mention it, if it hadn’t come up strongly for me related to your sharing. I am not trying to change anyone’s mind about ego, just share my own truth about it.

I see this subject as a thorny patch of ground with hidden land mines set to impede our truly empowered path, that we will all have to walk through, picking the roses along the way, and pulling a few big thorns out of our feet, to get to the other side, with a big bouquet of wholeness and integration.

Because that is key – owning ALL of it. If we were just here to own the spirit, then why incarnate at all? That would be just a purgatory – when incarnation can, and will be, an embodied heaven when we become the totality of ALL that we are.


Alex said:
“Tomos, dear brother.

“Can I make a suggestion? What I am hearing in your words is that the negative inner dialogue is still interacting with you. I would posit that this is not an ego issue but a programming one…”

Thanks, Alex, for bringing this up.

I think there is much programming running wild right now, and also very, very old and deep wounds are surfacing in this time and space. I have felt it and fought it, and then neglected it, and finally accepted to look and taste it before spitting it out with a No, thank you!

But it was necessary for me to see and acknowledge what came up, so it finally (I hope) could be recycled into pure neutral energy. I am not sure I would have seen what was really going on, if it wasn’t for the great catalyst I am blessed with in my life at this point of time.

Tomos, I also have had a turn of the old…’This world would be better without me’ …thoughts, during this year. For me, it was not as bad, because this is a daemon I have been fighting with since I was 17, and I usually get a grip of what is going on in my mind pretty fast nowadays. But it stuck its ugly head up and it has been a while since last time, so yeah, it is a lot of dense energy in movement right now. I am glad to hear that you made it through, still sane and laughing.

I have been told several times that this year will be ugly, and in fact it is. I thought the wounds would be in the world around me, and there probably are lots of ugly stuff going on, but that doesn’t really rock my boat. What makes me lose my balance is the wounds I still find inside of me. Some of them are real and some are just shitty old programming, but either way they are needing to be released.


Wow, this topic just continues to be very juicy and enlightening. I feel a rare excitement when I read it, validating for me how important and timely it is.

Thank you so much, Thomas, for bringing it forth for us to tease this tangle apart together. Once again, I see how the group energy provides a catalyst for far greater understanding than is possible from only one point of perception.

And, thank you all for your participation here as well, even those who only read and don’t comment. You, too, are a part of the group energy that lifts us up and raises the bar of awareness.


Alex said:
“Tomos, what comes up for me regarding your situation is I wonder if you were ever in a structured religious family where certain actions would trigger embedded codes that made you feel guilty, or less than, or a sinner. When we transition out of structured religion, we think we can just drop it and move on, but if you spent any time IN church, listening to the ‘affirmations and mantras’ (ah, hmmmm… yeah, responsive prayers overlay programming in the psyche and can be triggered by behavior) or if you received sacraments, there are a lot of hooks that remain.”

Indeed, I was raised Catholic and had to do all that catechism garbage, my sister had to literally drag me along with her. lol

I was a young empath, not knowing what that even was at the time, raised in a violent family of constant physical and verbal abuse, among mostly my mother and father, but I got my share as well.

My earliest recollections from childhood are ‘this is my fault, I have done something wrong, they hate each other because of me, yadda yadda’.  Yep that’s my beginning. Dad finally left home when I was 10 and said, ‘Son, you are the man of the house now, so take care of your mom and sister’. lol

Started drinking alcohol at 12 years old, hard drugs, shooting up methamphetamines between 15 and 18 years old, and the rest is history. Gave up drugs and alcohol at 20, but had a revisit at 30 on the alcohol (closet drinker), but put it away again at 35 and never looked back on that issue. Fear and self loathing have been my life, and only in the past 15 years has it began to change for the better. I always figured my ego structure began as self defeating and self hating, because I thought their pain was caused by something I did wrong or couldn’t do right.

Anyway, yeah, you could say I fit that description very well. I have mentioned this before here, but figured I would update it because it seems pertinent to what you have shown me. Yes, and I will mention this in a linear way because maybe it can help others.

Last August, what began for me was what many describe as the dark night of the soul, and it lasted until January, and then I seemed to be coming out of it. Slowly, but surely, the recurring episodes of fear and sadness began to recede and lessen, but it only happened when I was ready to just surrender and accept myself as a soul having a human experience, and that everything is divine, including me, which seemed to come to a head on that night I decided to give myself a second chance.

Since then, my life has been a life of mostly peace, but I feel like towards of the end of a 4-week peaceful time period (very nice btw), I had what some refer to as a spiritual ego taking over. It seemed harmless enough, but I distinctly remember suddenly picking apart everything and even from sources I have always honored and admired.

I mentioned earlier in this thread that I recommended a book called A Course in Miracles, and I thought well I never finished it, so maybe I will read on. Well, I got to the chapter on ‘Special Relationships’ and all hell broke loose within me. It felt so off and non-resonating to me, that it literally had a bad smell and feel to it. I threw the book in the trash and chalked at least that part up to either out-dated or never valid teachings, but either way, it effected me for several hours.

I have returned now to a state of peace, but now the arrogance has left me, and just the peace remains as it was. I suppose that chapter helped snap me out of that ,and perhaps taught me some things. Along with you all as well, so that’s how this thread even got started, and being back in heart consciousness, I am now able to, perhaps, see once again everything is divine and everything has a reason.

I feel you are correct on the old programming though, and that helps me with clarity quite a bit, thank you. You know, I have come to find I don’t need, to nor will I ever understand, a lot of things, and many questions will always remain unanswered, but when I live from within my heart, none of that seems to matter anymore. Just being there is plenty good enough for me, and of course, sharing where I can.

I am truly grateful for everyone sharing part of their journey with me, and the assistance it has been for me.

May we all be blessed.



Big hugs, Tomos. I remember now a bit of your story, and what it reminds me of is the realization that those who have come forth to experience a difficult or extreme life experience are the OLDEST and STRONGEST souls who have chosen to hold the valid space for the outlier.

If you get a chance, pick up a copy of the Afterlife of Billy Fingers – while much of it is stuff you already have traversed, it anchors home this knowing I already had about life experience – humans tend to look at the experience of others and judge it on a spiritual scale – but those who are living the good life now, are generally very young souls… those holding the outposts of duality, for its healing and the greater good of all, are absolute ROCKS, and I bless them all, just as I bless you.

I have spent time in that space of this is all my fault.

Gold, since my black moon is in Sagittarius, I have also spent time, generally when young and with massive forces facing me, in the space of meaninglessness and not good enough, so big hugs to you and anyone who traverses that space of less than. What comes up for me around that is the discovering that we are more than is such a joyful and affirming experience, I think we sometimes step into the space of evaluating ourselves in a different way, only to rediscover our true amazing nature. At least that was the path for me in my early life – is what others say about me true? Could I be wrong about myself? Nope, not true, nope, not wrong… then the path to owning that.

As for a course in miracles – never EVER resonated with even picking it up. LOL, course? course? I don’t need no stinking course! I have felt on the bubble of Marianne, and there is a stew of ideas and marketing swirling there. I guess we are all stews, but I never saw her as a teacher who could offer me anything. Not here to follow the rules on someone else’s path.

If you want to do some work around this related to vows, simply ask – I know you can do this for yourself, if you choose to. I also have to giggle that someone posted a declaration of revocation of vows from Lisa Renee on my facebook feed yesterday, though, of course, I cannot find it now, which makes me giggle and reminds me that we can all figure out our own declarations. This is coming up for many as they declare sovereignty and drop all that is NOT them, while collecting all that is…


I’m so happy and grateful to have you with us, Tomos. I know how difficult it is to find a way back into the heart. Perhaps even more so for those of a male gender. We love our tender hearts back into health again, and that’s what we do. xoxoxoxoxox


Interesting enough, The Course in Miracles was the book that made me realize that I am God also, or one with God, how ever you want to put it. At that time, it gave me a broader understanding for oneness. I would claim that it is a bit outdated in this time and space, but for me, back then, it was an interesting reading. I don’t come from a religious background, so I guess that gave me an advantage when reading it.

The hardest part has not been for those who stayed in the light all the time. The hardest part has been to forget the light so totally that darkness could be developed inside of us too. The more we arise from forgetfulness, the more we will all understand that and also honor those who played that part of creation.

When Deva told me about an Archon that was connected to me and then told me he was a real bad ass, I really could not be upset about it. I actually laughed at the whole situation and had to honor that he had been able to operate in my energy field without my knowledge. I still smile when I think about him, and hope he makes it back to oneness without to0 much pain, and that one day we will meet over a beer in the Master’s club and laugh at the whole game. May he be honored for that which he is and may his strength never leave him.


So many really great insights and writing in this thread.  I resonate with a lot that has been said.  Alex – really great suggestions on energy clearing. I only wanted to add a bit a little bit more in this area.

On the negative thoughts or energy that you described as coming into your field, Tomos, I had some feelings about it and wanted to share.

Tomos said:
“…insane negative shit was poring into my mind out of nowhere…”

When you described your dark nights, it very much reminded me of the circumstances of a man I worked with three years ago.  He had a negative portal that opened directly beside him at night, but really, what I saw was that the negative portal was pouring into his energy field.  I worked with him and his field to close the negative portal, and if this resonates with you as a possibility, you can do the same for yourself.

For you, as you described this sentence above, I see you kneeling bent over beside the bed on the floor.  I don’t know why but I kept hearing that sentence and felt that it needed to be in here.

I’m adding this part. because for me, it has helped me in my healing to have a broader context of understanding: What I see also, Tomos, is you as a monk, and I feel that you made vows in that lifetime that are effecting you now.  There may have been an aspect of physical self-flagellation in that lifetime (as part of the ‘spiritual practice’ at the monastery) and ego mind talk or chanting that went along with that.

The ‘pouring in’ that you describe here – for me, the energy action is from ‘without’, rather than from ‘within’.  You basically answered this question Alex asked in that the thoughts were saying ‘You’.  That is the word coding.  For me, I look at energy flows.

Pouring in implies a portal of some sort, and yes, there can be negative portals. The structure of this type of portal is really a vortex (that will be important to know to close it), but the portal piece allows the action of in-pouring, and outpouring. I say outpouring because portals always flow two ways – and the negative emotions and angst etc. that you feel, flow in the opposite direction, out of you, benefiting what or whom we don’t know and it’s not important – this has no hold over you, as you are Sovereign in your own energy field and can make a conscious choice to choose differently.  You so well and so aptly describe doing this, over and over again.

For me, it has helped me to know I Am, and my body is, the house of my Soul in this incarnation.  This is how I finally got that I have a right to be here.  My Soul choose to incarnate on Earth, and Me and My Body are the resulting creation.   My Soul has a path and a plan, and now I have aligned with this and I deeply honor my Soul’s journey, through me.  This is how I came to understand my own worth and value.  This is just how I view it and others may view it differently.

I hope that wasn’t too wordy above about portals and such.  And, maybe this doesn’t resonate and if not let it