loverBoth Personal and Collective

I’ve already mentioned this solar eclipse of August 2017 was very personal to me. In a surprising turn of events, I’ve remembered the lover in me.

And yet, I clearly felt the collective effects of it too. The overview of what I experienced on a personal level was also, in a much broader sense, available for the whole planet as well.

I perceived the solar eclipse as a massive opportunity to reset or to restructure our realities, though in my estimation, this will begin inside ourselves, so trying to tag something outside, such as a solar eclipse as the cause is less than accurate.

These Energies Unfold as Measurements in Cycles

If anything, I observe that celestial movements of planets and stars, etc, are acting as natural time keepers, showing us our relation to position in the Universe, marking out for us, in ways we can observe such motions, cycles within cycles, measuring for us the endless motion of Creation Itself.

Thus, to imagine that measuring these motions as the cause for anything is missing the point.

The point is that these motions are endless and eternal, eternally unfolding this Universe in somewhat predictable ways. The way to predict them is to understand that these motions unfold in Sacred Geometries, endlessly.

Perhaps this is a better way to understand cause, in the understanding that these Sacred Geometries carry the potential for certain progressions of manifestation, depending on the point of perception or focus within the cycle.

Focus on Structures

Retreating back a bit into the personal, I felt this passage through the solar eclipse cycle for many weeks before it arrived. The theme of structure came up for me, time after time, to consider during these weeks.

This theme was played out on all levels of my awareness and all areas of my life. Again and again, there’s been opportunities to reconsider my structures for how I utilize my time and energy, how to align my physical body in lifestyle, diet, and dealing with the alignment of my very bones as well.

My emotional body wasn’t left out of this mix either. Talk about veils falling! My awareness of deeper and deeper subtleties in my abilities to sense with my emotional intelligence is off the charts now, compared to where it was even a year ago.

Along with all this to pull my attention off of my habitual daily sleepwalk through this and that task, has been a rather relentless invitation to slow down, and this has been on all levels too. Again and again, I’m noticing how few things I manage to do mindfully when I rush tasks, or scurry from one to another in a huff.

Diving Back into the Shadow

The most surprising revelation of all happening for me on the week of this eclipse was being triggered to revisit my deep shadow territory.

For someone like me, who has crawled all over that zone with a magnifying glass and tweezers in hand for decades, I thought I knew I’d really done this enough and more than enough. I did this, not as a spiritual exercise attempting to climb some ladder to Heaven, but to simply survive and rise out of life cycles of illness, madness and drug addiction.

The thoughts running through my mind immediately before this spontaneous dive were about ‘been there, done that’, and yet, I was triggered strongly a few days before the eclipse, and this dive back into my personal shadows happened in spite of whatever mental thoughts had to say.

What I found is there’s nothing left in my memories with a traumatic charge on it anymore. What was once unbearable and hideous is now just an neutral echo with some rather sad and distorted stories in it. I did this rescue work of finding and extracting my essence and my innocence from those abandoned and miserable areas of me, and I did this for a couple of decades relentlessly, so no surprise on this count.

Retrieving the Treasure

What I didn’t expect was a priceless energetic treasure I missed on my way back to my surface self while in those rescue missions. In my own lost and found places, I remembered something about my personal essence which I’d forgotten. And there it was, a gleaming memory of my true self, waiting. (Which opens a question of how this relates to all the waiting most lightworkers spend all their time and energies on…)

What I’d forgotten about me was so simple, and yet so profound at the same time. I’d forgotten my truest and most authentic approach to life is like that of a lover approaching her beloved. Somehow, in the intense trauma of neglect and abandonment of my childhood, the true and authentic passion of me as a lover got put aside in the sadness and despair of those early years.

This lover mode of me has been readily available to me always, but it’s been like a toggle switch that I flip whenever I go into ‘lover mode’. (Cue the music: Marvin Gaye, Let’s Get it On. “Do you know I mean it? I’ve been sanctified.”)  Heh. Oh, yeah!

But what I’m talking about here is something different and far more profound. What I’m talking about is not an on again-off again mode of being. It’s not about a foxy party dress I put on for a special love date, but about the eternal true essence of the most authentic me at my very core. It’s about my approach to life, in my most authentic way, coming from the heart of my spiritual essence and my soul expression. I AM the lover.

On some level, I’ve understood this feature of me, intellectually, for a long time. For instance, if someone had said to me, ‘you approach life as a lover does’, I would have agreed.

But this stunning reintegration is something quite different than merely nodding mentally to the concept. It’s not a tag on the outside of the bottle. It’s a deeply emotional and spiritually profound moment to really feel this personal and most authentically essential thing about who I am again.

It’s a process in motion, this integration, and yet, the rush of energy return available from it is growing.

No wonder I’ve been suffering from stunning pervasive boredom so often over the past year or so! There, hidden and quietly bubbling beneath my own surface was this longing to retrieve my own passion for life and living again.lover

This is so simple on one hand, and yet, breathtaking on another. Like the dance of the seven veils, one more veil wrapping me drops away to reveal the real me, without the smoke screens and mirrors and parlor tricks.

The fact that this priceless treasure was found deep in my subconscious shadow zone is not lost on me either.

For without conscious access to this essential part of me, this capacity for passionate appreciation of life and living in each moment, life presents as a stale and sad parody of itself. Without this passion and energy to sustain me on a conscious level from moment to moment, the bitter-sweet juiciness and colors of the world pale and wither and sag. I, myself, sag and feel weary too. All the time.

Confusing the Trigger with the Cause

For the longest time, I’ve been dragging my ass along, wondering where in the world to find the energy to remain vital and energized, seeking the means to fuel my desire to play a role in life in a loving and meaningful way.

What I forgot was the source of such energy lies deep within me and nowhere outside of me, regardless of how I may have some circumstance trigger me into lover mode for a while, giving me a wellspring of energy in a temporary way.

Once again, I confuse the trigger with the cause!

How could such a thing happen?? I forgot somehow that I AM the lover whose passionate essence fuels the Universe with Love!

Like all truth does, this epiphany has made a whole lot of puzzle pieces fall neatly into place for me. No wonder I’ve been so tired all the time, and often quite desperate for the energy to do anything. No wonder trying to find my passion outside of me has been only been resulting in killer boredom.

As usual, finding the solution to the puzzle is in the last place I would look to find it. Of course, it’s the last place, as once it’s found, I stop searching.

Written for Gaia Scenics’ View

We invite you to learn more about the Gaia Scene Forum, and join us if you wish to comment or share.

Want our juiciest empowered content delivered directly to your inbox monthly?  Simply click the following link to sign up for our Gaia Scenics’ View Newsletter.

Enjoy our content? Consider putting some love in our…gaiascenetipjarwee

Print Friendly, PDF & Email